Welcome to my daily journal---a place to share my stories, organize my thoughts, and invite others to to catch a glimpse at the general chaos I call life. Some things you'll be able to relate to, and others will make you shake your head in disbelief. At the very least, I hope you're entertained. Feel free to comment, give advice, or just laugh openly and enjoy the show.


Saturday, April 30, 2011

The GRAY area between black and white

I wish I believed in fairy tales, I think I use too and I'm sad that I lost that.

A few nights ago I found myself lost in conversation with an incredibly handsome businessman.  Let me back up a bit.  I met this man when I approached him to ask for a donation for a fund raiser that we were doing at the restaurant.  I didn't do a very good job asking for money and he laughed at me.  He offered to donate but only if I would agree to have a drink with him.  I laughed at him and told him that if I had to do that with every man I asked for a donation I would be in no shape to ask for donations!  We talked more about the organization I was volunteering for, about the business dinner he was going to, about the people in the bar and he asked if I would still be there if he were too come back after dinner.
The night progressed, I got some more donations and decided to take a chance and hang around to see if he would actually come back.  I positioned myself at the end of the bar where I could see the entire room without looking like I was watching the room.  I ordered some ahi tuna and a drink and just began to unwind from my day, at this point it was almost 10pm, I had been on the go since 7am.  As I sat there I watched him walk in, he was a head taller than most of the people in there so it was easy to spot him.  I watched as he scanned the room, he walked from one side to the other scanning, then he must have seen me (I was trying to not watch him) because the next thing I know he was sitting next to me.   He looked at me and said "I came back looking for you, and I don't do that".  We talked about life, business, jobs, he told me that I was one of the most beautiful women he had ever seen and that one of the reasons he came back after dinner was because all he could think about was getting to know me.
Then he said it... "I have to be honest with you, I'm married" "but I couldn't get you off my mind and I had to see you again"  JUST MY LUCK!  I thanked him for being honest, I asked about his family, he asked about mine.  I told him that the grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence, it's just different grass.  He agreed.  He said to me "I know I will probably never see you again, but I have to tell you that I will be a very long time before I get you off my mind" "There is something about you that tells me you are an amazing woman and the man that finds you better deserve you and understand just what he has" ARE YOU SERIOUS... IS THIS MY LIFE...no fairy tale for me.
I have to say... I actually thought about / am still thinking about seeing him again.. We did not exchange anything other than 1st names...but I can't get him off my mind.
I also did mention where I would be having lunch with my girlfriends on Sunday... BAD I know...

2.0 and other stuff

Well... I forgot that when a man is sick (with the sniffles) he does not have the capability to also be a part of the human race.  So....once 2.0's sniffles went away he was back to normal and appropriately attentive.  So I've gone with it but find that I'm still very guarded.  We went out last night and looking at him across the table I thought to myself...NOPE, you're not the one.  He's such a good guy, a bit of a dork, but a nice man. I'm not ready to walk away from him... I think I will just let that happen naturally.  All he can talk about is playing golf all summer and spending time with his son who just moved back to town, his son is 28!  I have a feeling we will just go in different directions and that will be fine.   

Monday, April 18, 2011

Well... It was fun while it lasted

Well... I'm not really sure but I do believe Craig 2.0 is done with me.  UGH!!!  I thought for sure an older guy would be over playing games, I should have known better.  Maybe it's just me, maybe I'm putting a wall up... getting ready to run.  I do tend to do that ya know...but he's just acting different.  I HATE THIS.... I should just go back to sleeping with 1.0, after all... he's made it perfectly clear that he's still willing...
I guess I'll just anxiously await warmer weather so I can spend my time on my Harley... and not think about 2.0 or any other man that might come along.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

How old is too old and do I really care...

OK...so let's just get this out there.... I don't think I've mentioned that Craig 2.0 is 56 years old...that is 17 years older than me!!! OH, and he's RETIRED!!! WHAT AM I THINKING?  He doesn't like motorcycles...he likes golf.  I DON"T GOLF!  His hair is about to send me over the edge, he's losing it and is not letting go without a fight.  I'm just not sure I can get over that! 

On the other hand, he has a killer smile, is a perfect gentleman, makes me laugh, thinks I'm pretty and refuses to let me pay for anything... OH...WHAT'S A GIRL TO DO!  I'm thinking he's not Mr Forever but for right now he's good...so I'll just keep it "Light and Fluffy" for now as a friend said and take it 1 day at at time...

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

The Battle of the Craigs

So...Craig 1.0 as we are now referring to him, is really trying hard...it's funny in a sort of pathetic way.  Poor guy, I'm really going to have to have a "come to Jesus" with him. 

Craig 2.0 is winning right now... I haven't seen him in almost 2 weeks and that is nice.  No rush, no worries, no big deal.  He calls, he lets me know he's thinking about me... It's good

2.0 has the time to devote to me...and quite frankly...that's what it's all about this time around... ME! 

Although I do have A LOT of scepticism about him...why is he interested in me, what does he want from me, if somethings too good to be true than it's usually too good to be true... ya know....

Time will tell...

Sunday, March 13, 2011

THE CRAIGS

Well well well.... Mr Benefit seems to be trying to change the game. I think its funny, he set the rules, the boundries & now he is acting like he wants to "date". Typical single guy... Doesn't want me until he realizes I don't want him!!! I had lunch with him the other day & as I was sitting across the table from him I realized that there is nothing about him that interests me. Yeah me for realizing that!!!!
So.... I've been on a few dates with a gentleman named Craig... We'll refer to him as Craig 2.0.... Opens doors, makes me laugh, great conversation.... The whole package!
He's opposite of Craig 1.0!!!
So... Even though I'm somewhat skeptical I look forward to seeing what tomorrow brings!
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Thursday, February 17, 2011

"Shopping"

Well...tonight I am attending an Open House with my boss.  I was confused as to why she would ask me to attend with her, although it's not unusual for me to attend these things...just this one.  Then it dawned on me... The open house is at a LAW FIRM.  She is trying to find me a man!  She told someone that "We're going shopping for a man for me"... OH GOOD GRIEF!!!

I'll keep you posted!!!

Monday, February 7, 2011

There has to be an APP for that!

Ok...so have you seen the movie "He's Just Not That In To You"?  Um ya....that's my life...

So The Perfect Gentleman has dropped off the face of the earth, which is a bit of a bummer.  I liked him...or maybe I just liked the idea of him, I'm not real sure which. 

18 month one night stand guy called to say "Hey, about the other night... I just want to say that, well... I'm kinda getting back with my old girlfriend"  GOOD!  I mean, oh, that's to bad for me then...

Then there's Craig... we seem to have formed a friendship, kinda... Let's give him a title...let's call him Mr. Benefit!

So what do I want?  I want an APP, a Widget, a Shortcut on my phone that will tell me what's the deal with the men I come in contact with.  I want to scan their eyeballs and look into their brains... I want to know what they are thinking from the very beginning... I mean really, is that too much to ask? 

In return I will wear a shirt or get a tattoo or something that says:
  • I have a good job
  • I own my own house
  • I don't need a father for my children
  • I am capable of unclogging drains, fixing garage doors, changing the oil in the car and killing spiders
So please approach with caution...

Saturday, January 29, 2011

I Need a New Sandbox

Dinner with the girls...innocent enough.  Chips, Salsa, Beer....the usual....arriving home at 4:30am.  I'M TO OLD FOR THIS!!!

1st of all... when Molly gets out (which isn't often) she tends to go off the deep end.  We ended up on the dance floor of a local club, nothing major, just dancing.  Molly pulled a chair out to the middle of the dance floor and danced on it... while I was trying to keep track of her all the other girls left.  NICE...but that's okay because BOTH of my ex's showed up...the 18month 1 night stand and Mr. Forever. 

Now, this is the 1st time I've seen Mr. Forever since I packed up all of my shoes and the coffee pot and left, that was 7 months ago.  So, you could say I wasn't exactly prepared when he approached me.  He tried to apologize for what he did, I threw my beer on him.  Most of the beer landed on me... 18month guy saw that and cracked up laughing...so the rest of the beer went on him! JERK!

I have to tell you, the things running through my head when Mr Forever was standing in front of me were "Do I look skinny in this outfit? I hope my hair looks good. Do I have lipstick on? I shouldn't have worn these boots. Good Grief he got fat!"

So after a little drama, a little dancing and a little beer I finally convinced Molly it was time to call it a night.  2 hours later 18month guy carried her to my car and buckled her in.  He followed us to make sure she got home ok...and then I followed him to his house...

WHAT HAPPENED TO MY BAR?  Because 18month guy doesn't come close to where the bar is set...but my oh my... I did quickly remember why I enjoyed him...

HEY, don't judge me... I'm pushing 40...and sometimes it's just fun to not think about what you're doing and just do it! 

So, lesson learned... Find a new sandbox to play in...This one has too many Ex's in it!

Monday, January 24, 2011

Fat & Happy vs. Sad & Skinny

So i've decided to start working out... Why on earth would I chose to do such a stupid thing??? Well... Because after the big break up this summer I lost 20lbs... Now that life back to normal I'm worried I'll gain it back.... Plus its not like I have anything else to do right now.

With swim suite season quickly approaching & more importantly... HARLEY season... I really want to get into shape...

Ok... And the fact that I'm pushing 40... Ugh!!

So after one workout I'm having a hard time moving... I'm seriously thinking about not going back to the gym... Fat & Happy is looking better & better!!!
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Thursday, January 20, 2011

Not going to work...

So I got a phone call today...from an acquaintance who would like to set me up with a friend of hers. The entire conversation was odd because this person is not someone I talk to on a regular basis and the fact that she thought of me & her friend together was interesting to me.  So I agreed that she could give him my email.
1st sign this is not going to work...he emailed me within an hour of me giving the "OK"
2nd sign this is not going to work... his email told me everything about him but his blood type
3rd sign this is not going to work...he text me to tell me he was going to call me (um...I didn't know he had my cell phone number)
4th sign this is not going to work... he called and told me all about how he was lucky the gun shot wound to his head didn't make him a "retard"
I couldn't make this up if I tried!!! 
He has invited me to dinner on Monday... I think I have to go... I'm sure it will be hysterically horrible and I'm anxious to see why on earth my acquaintance thought to set us up...

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Back to Square One

So I'm over the perfect gentleman being a gentleman... I really like the fact that I'm being treated like a lady, but a girls got her limits!  And those limits are tested when the other guy calls  you out for lumping him in the "just like all the other guys" category after 1 date. 

So... against my better judgement I agreed to see Craig again... did I mention he's got a great body & a hot tub...and I accidentally ended up at his house...

So...let's take bets... I'm betting Craig doesn't call ... and the perfect gentleman is really just awkward around women... I'm pretty much out of luck either way...

Thursday, January 13, 2011

The Rule, not the Exception

So... for the last few months my motto has been "If you do what you've always done you'll get what you've always gotten"...and guess what... I'm doing it again.  This last weekend I had dates with 2 different men... and since then I've been struggling with whether or not to go out with Craig again.  Today I came to the realization that he is the kind of guy that I always go for... Really nice looking, great body, not very tall, from the area I grew up in, knows everyone I know, close to my age, likes to drink and have fun.... and where has that gotten me?  NO WHERE I tell ya! (OH and he doesn't like motorcycles...that's a big fat NO!)

Now... Jack is another story... Handsome, tall, successful, world wise, older than me, not from around here, doesn't know anyone I know, has a taste for wine, doesn't mind drinking but doesn't get crazy and the most important part is HE'S A PERFECT GENTLEMAN.  I'm attracted to his personality more than anything.  He's is NOTHING like anyone I've dated EVER!  (He does like Motorcycles... so that is a bonus)

I think Craig and I would definitely have a good time together, but I'm not looking for someone to have a good time with (NOT THAT I'M LOOKING AT ALL) I have lots of friends for that.

Let's just say I was looking (BUT I'M NOT)... If I was looking I would want someone to treat me like a queen... to pour my wine, open my doors, order for me, hold my hand, talk to me over dinner at a nice restaurant...

I've moved the bar up a few notches because I have decided that being treated the way Jack treats me should be the rule, not the exception.  So, whether things progress with Jack or not the bar is set pretty high for anyone else that comes along... and Craig is just a bit under that bar.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

New Year + New Man = New Sweater (or 3)

Ok...so I had 2 dates when 2 different men this weekend...when it rains it pours, right?  So of course I had to go shopping... and the funny thing is... I ended up wearing the same thing on both dates... I figured they would never know... and it was SUPER CUTE!
Jack(date #1) and I have gone to dinner a few times... we drank to much wine...had good conversation.  He's a perfect gentleman, opens doors, pulls out chairs, orders for me.  I like being treated like that... It's a new experience.
Craig (date #2) and I met on FaceBook, yep, I said it...it's out there... FaceBook... He's a friend of a friend who saw my picture... Ok, whatever... so I agreed to meet him for a beer.  Don't tell my mom that, I told her we were meeting for coffee because she already thinks I drink too much, oh and I told my kids I was meeting a group of friends, they of course knew I would have a beer.  So I went into date #2 not expecting anything, plus I really like guy #1...but SHOOT if I didn't like guy #2 too!!!  So now what... I think I'll just go with it for now...maybe date the gentleman who opens doors and treats me like a queen and sleep with the other one... JUST KIDDING!!!

Monday, January 3, 2011

PLEASE DON'T FIX ME UP

So...the conversation went something like this...

FRIEND: I know you think needing a man makes you weak, but it doesn't and it's ok to admit that you're lonely
ME: I'm not lonely, I'm fine, the last thing I want is a man...I'm over all of them right now
FRIEND:  Ok, but I've been thinking... I know someone...he's socially awkward, not very attractive and is no fun at all... but I think he's perfect for you
ME:  Well, he sounds wonderful...
FRIEND:  Really, I think you would bring him out of his shell...you could make him fun
ME: Again, great idea
FRIEND:  He loves kids, oh, but he's older than you... how do you feel about that?
ME: After everything you just told me you want to know how I feel about his age?
FRIEND:  Well, we need to set the bar higher for you this time

Good Grief, this is what my life has come down too... fix ups with socially awkward unattractive men or eHarmony... both equally bad as far as I'm concerned and I can say that because I gave eHarmony a try and all it gave me was socially awkward unattractive men!

So I guess setting the bar high means socially awkward unattractive men... OH GOOD, I can't wait to see how this goes!!

Saturday, January 1, 2011

2 Cinnamon Rolls & a Cup of Coffee

Yesterday I broke the best mixing bowl in the world while making my famous cheese ball, I took that as a sign for the end of 2010 which totally sucked by the way.  How would I cope with 2011 without this bowl?  What would I use to make my world famous Salsa, my famous banana cake that I make from scratch, Meatloaf for the gUncles (gay+uncle)?

So this morning as I lay in my bed deciding exactly how I was going to celebrate this 1st day of 2011 all I could come up with was COFFEE...must have coffee.  That's where it hit me, I stood there cleaning up the kitchen, moving Christmas decor to 1 central location to be dealt with later and I suddenly knew what I wanted for 2011 more than anything.  Bowl or no bowl life goes on, I would continue to make the salsa, the cake, the meatloaf and life would go on as NORMAL.  And that is exaclty what I want... nothing too exciting, just NORMAL & HAPPY... oh, and maybe an occasional encounter with a man just to keep things interesting (but I'm not holding my breath on that one)

So the mistletoe is put away for another year... the kitchen is clean, the cinnamon rolls & coffee hit the spot and I have decided that 2011 is going to be a GREAT year...and maybe just maybe I'll get the mistletoe out in July just to see what happens!!!  A girl can wish can't she!!!